Blue

11-08-09

I am currently feeling depressed because I just realized that I am a truly horrible, heartless, cruel, selfish, (insert negative adjectives here) person… and that I have a four-page essay due tomorrow that I haven’t started yet… and that I am a truly horribly pathetic, self-pitying, self-wallowing, (insert more negative adjectives here), and that this world shouldn’t have to deal with a great hypocrite like me.

When change is so hard to achieve, what do you do? When nobody is around to help you help yourself, how do you change?

SmileyBunny: *whistles* What’s up with all the angst?

Hug me! *goes and glomps the plushie*

SmileyBunny: What? Wait! Don’t you d– Oof! *get glomped on and struggles to breathe* Grr… Whoever made you miserable will pay!

*sniffs* Aw, how sweet. You mean it?

SmileyBunny: Of course! Whoever it is, he or she is after my life!

… Maybe I should just toss you in a blender…

SmileyBunny: You’re evil.

Rantings of a Passionate Fan

I really didn’t want this blog to contain more topics about DBSK than the rest of my life, but what else can I do if the main event of my day is sitting down in front of the computer and watching five guys prance around a stage?

Simple Pleasures

Hello, blog that I have abandoned for several months now!

*gets hit with cyber rotten tomatoes*

SmileyBunny: Boo!

SmileyBunny is angry at me for ignoring him for months xD.  He just attacked me this morning with a dirty mop, and threatened to rip my precious DBSK posters into pieces if I don’t post an update…

SmileyBunny: -_-” I was happy you were gone, you biscuit head. And you DON’T have DBSK posters.

I do to! (<–wait, is that even grammatically correct?). …okay, so I don’t have any DBSK posters… But kill my dream, will you! You are the meanest stuff toy in the world!

SmileyBunny: *sticks tongue out* Just get on with the blogging, will you?

Fine! I shall ignore you more for the rest of the update! Hmph!

SmileyBunny: *drums fingers*Oh no… It’s the end of the world… Ahh… Whatever.

[actual post under the cut x)] 

Abandoned

Okay… it’s my first time posting using the new wordpress dashboard, and boy, am I confuzzled (<– whoa! Who put that word there!?)! Just proves what a lousy blogger I am… ehehe…

It’s a new year and it’s supposed to be the start of a new page of my life! But alas! As far as I know, it’s going down, down, down… Sigh. I’m having a blue blue mood which is not exatly the best way to start the year. The reasons?

1. My allergy came back and it is soooooooooo annoying that I have to suffer being itchy all over my limbs and back 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! GRRR! AHHHHH!

2. I have an inkling that my friends have forgotten me already, and that thought just puts me down. T_T.  I really miss them and I’m really lonely.  And being halfway around the world isn’t exactly going to solve that…

3. My muse just decided to abandon me in the middle of a fic! Dang it! I’m suffering major writer’s block here, people! I CAN NOT WRITE A SINGLE PARAGRAPH OR A SINGLE STANZA! No matter what I do or what I use, I always end up with a blank page (or a page filled with pointless doodles) or a blank screen… Like this:

Pen and Paper

Me: Come on, hand! Write something! Anything!
Hand: *doesn’t move*

Computer

Me: Please, please, please work with me! Tap tap tap! Type something!
Hand: *doesn’t move*

Okay, that was lame. Sorry.

Back to what I was saying, I really really resent that I can’t write a good material these days. And if I know my muse, she (I’m thinking it’s a girl because it changes moods like a pregnant woman) will only be back WHEN I’m buried under piles and piles of homework, which results to major trouble because knowing myself, I would set aside the mountains of schoolwork (no matter how urgent) just to satisfy my muse because once it passes, it may never comes back again for a long time.

Anybody got a cure for writer’s block? Or maybe, laziness?

Secret Christmas Message

Find the not-so-secret message hidden within the poem =)

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*

May this season never end
Enticing memories of this occasion
Rhyming words this letter send
Ring the bells of joyful Christmas
Yonder gates of singing men

Come and sing a merry song
He, today, has been born
Rest your minds ‘bout evil thoughts
In His arms is where you belong
Safe are you from rising pain
‘Til peace of your mind be gained
Much awaited season is here
A time to give love to those who’re dear, and
Sick, and people living in fear

‘Tis the season to be joyful
Oh, come all, let’s celebrate

Young and old alike, let’s sing
Our God has opened Heaven’s Gate
Unto and through his blessed Son

God is Great!

*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*/*

And I say that to each and everyone who is reading!

Rantings : GROW UP, PLEASE?

Dear Erie,

Who knew that the world would be full of haters who have nothing else better to do than to… hate? Really, it’s disturbing how some people could hate other people they don’t even know, so much that they wish those people to just die or drop dead. Hey, I’m not a saint or an angel, but come on! I value life and would never even think of killing off a person, much less a person who didn’t do anything to me! Every human has a right to live, no matter how evil… okay, maybe not the vile, evil ones who has absolutely no heart or conscience whatsoever (but would such person really exist?). Only God has the right to take away the life of someone.

So, why suddenly post about all this? Well, yesterday at about 11 PM, I’ve just completed an assignment about “Interdependence” and Bill Clinton stating about how interdepence would make the 21st century the most memorable and peaceful era (or something like that). Which is fairly true, I thought. If people learn to cooperate, then they will realize that everyone is of equal importance and that no one is greater than the other. We would learn to accept one abother and avoid disputes and global wars. I thought this was pretty good and insightful.

And so, after completing the assignment, I decided to visit one of my favorite blogs (I’m not going to mention the name). There was a recent article concerning about two groups competing for an award in this particular music station (again, I’m not going to mention all the names or details). In the end, the group with the more experience won. I was feeling pretty happy because it was my most favored group. So I browsed through the comment board expecting to see the happy reactions of my fellow fans and maybe some sore loser comments…

You know what I saw? Extreme bashing and totally racist comments. And I mean EXTREME and TOTALLY RACIST! Let me demonstrate:

Commenter 1: That group totally SUCK! They just won because they probably payed off the awards show! They should just go die!

Commenter 2: STFU! They won because they’re talented! Not like you! Go die!

Commenter 3: Stupid biased fans like you are deaf! You call that ‘talented?’ They’re nothing but useless GAY lypsincers! They make my ears bleed! GAY GAY GAY! Keep denying you little brats!

Commenter 4: You (insert a random nationality here) fans make us (insert random nationality here) fans look bad! You the bad people! Not us! We hate you! Your country bad bad bad! Full of fat people! GO burn to death!

Commenter 5: I’M GONNA RAPE YOU ALL (insert random nationality here)!

Note: This is not the real comments that I’ve read. The real comments are a thousand times worse.

What in the world…!? RETARDED, right!?! (Sorry for my choice of words, but I just need to get it out of my system). What are they, three-year-olds?!? Oh, I’n not saying that three-year-old kids are morbid (kids are precious and lovable and pure!)! But the people who posted these kinds of comments are grown-ups who act like spoiled brats. It’s immature, ridiculous and downright disturbing!

What they were arguing about is completely pointless! It’s just a music awards show, for goodness sake! To go as far as cursing a whole country shows how immature and racist they are. There are more important issues in the world! War in Iraq, world hunger, heck, the Economy! Why bash a whole country just because of one group winning an award!? What’s the connection!?

I know the world isn’t all rainbows and butterflies and some may think that I’m just making a fool out of myself because this is not uncommon. Yes, these kinds of morbid comments are widespread across the web. Honestly, I’ve come across several of these in the past, but I ignored them because it was just ridiculous and were only one or two, but these… Those comments above come in every comment made in that article. Everytime I read a comment, I had to wince and say “OUCH!” even if it’s not directed to me. I know I shouldn’t be taking these kinds of comments seriously. But these guys need to see a psychiatrist real bad. I’m serious. Either they are mentally unstabe people or just attention-seekers who have nothing else better to do than start wars.

Where has respect gone to? Goodness? Kindness? Consideration? Justice? Rationality? Morals? I can’t help but think about the downside of the Internet and freedom of speech. People can say things that would make their mothers wash their mouths rigorously with soap (or in this case, acid), and they don’t have to fear anything because they’re in the safety of their own house. It’s not like they would get beat up or get in jail or something.

You know what all these make me want to do? Compose a song. Yeah, that’s right. Compose a song that would pierce through the hearts of every person of this world and would make them think twice about their actions, mend their ways and forget about all the hate in the world. I know it’s a nearly impossible feat. Scratch that. It’s an IMPOSSIBLE feat. People differ in preference and taste. And it’s not like I’m a genius composer. But I’m gonna try anyway. Maybe not now, maybe not later. Maybe never, but I’m still going to try to write something. In cases like this, it’s important to think positive, think positive! I can do this. I can. I can.

Spread the LOVE, people! Hate gets you nowhere! It only gets you wrinkles!

Truly yours,

Meriken

P.S. Sorry I haven’t appeared in such a long time. School’s not going the way I wanted it to and DBSK’s comeback really took a lot of my time in Youtube. And the dear Erie above, I don’t know how to start so I just included the name of my Private Journal. And yes, this is an entry on my private journal, where I write things that doesn’t make sense in the spur of the moment.

Peace out!

Boat Chronicles 2

The storm had subsided, but had gotten back with a vengeance. It hits our ship’s two founding masts. Panicked has struck us all. While one of the masts stood unmoved and strong against the winds, the other mast is starting to give out. It’s falling down, collapsing. It has reached its breaking point.

What more can we do?

Boat Chronicles 1

Note: Just some reflections… in story-telling format. I am so down at the moment.

Our ship is in the middle of a raging sea. The storm has been going on for days, and I am thinking it’s only going to get worse. The ship is falling apart. The crew members refuse to work together. They refuse to listen to the Captain because they are too stubborn to lose to each other. Too stubborn to let go.

Unless the crew learn to listen and work together, sooner or later, I fear our ship will sink into the deep sea.

T_T

Lessons and Camp

My internet-probation officially ended yesterday. After helping clean up the house for a couple hours and cooking lunch and dinner for another couple hours, I’ve been sitting in front of the computer for nearly four hours, catching up with the things I missed and even writing and posting a long chapter of my fan fiction story.

And I’m happy to say that the past two days wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I spent my time sitting on a corner reflecting about different things about life (deep, isn’t it? hehe), and reading Judith McNaught’s “Something Wonderful” which really proved to be effective at diverting my mind from thinking about giving up to temptation (especially when there are two computers at your house, just staring at you wide-eyed and luring you like a siren to switch them on and  sit in front of them…xP).

AND I learned some really important things.

Number one: You learn something new everyday. For example, yesterday I learned that I could last for more than 48 hours away from “Information Highway” without losing my sanity (if I have any) and tearing my hair out. And the other day, I learned that I definitely should refrain from reading NC 17 fan fictions (even though I’m already 17) because it’s difficult to get them off my mind, especially if it’s gross and disturbing. Get it? It doesn’t matter how small or how big it is, as long as there is something you learned.

Number two: Curing an addiction takes an incredible amount of will power. And I’m not just talking about the internet. I’m also talking about smoking, drinking, and of course, drugs. I used to get frustrated and annoyed whenever I see people having difficulty quitting these vices. I always say “Just quit already! Dang it!”  But now, I think I understand how hard it is, a little.

I also watched the TV premier of Camp Rock. Not bad. The songs are really good. But some parts made me feel different levels of frustration. First is when Mitchie, the female main character, lied about her mom’s occupation. Dang, girl, don’t you watch TV? Lying only works if your mom IS NOT in the same camp cooking in the kitchen!

Just kidding. Lying is bad, people. BAD.

Second is the antagonist, Tess. Her character made me scream at the screen “EVIL! PURE EVIIIIL” Seriously, Sharpay from High School Musical maybe annoying, but she’s funny. Annoying but funny. And I like annoying-but-funny! Tess’ character is pure annoying.

Third is that Kevin and Nick did not get enough screen time… Or maybe it’s just me?

Oh, well. I guess that’s that. I wasn’t bashing the actresses, in fact, they did a great job. The movie wasn’t bad and the songs are stuck on my head. Kind of makes me wonder how great it’d be to have that kind of Camp in real life.

… *long silence*

Erm… I suddenly ran out of things to say.

x) ehehe.

Ciao for now!

Sad Bunny

I got scolded, so I’m not in the greatest mood today…

I made a very big, and I mean BIG mistake which can never ever be corrected… ever again. It caused a lot of trouble to my parents, and will be causing a lot more trouble for the next few years until my brother turns 18 or gets a high-paying job (which I doubt will ever happen… at least not if he doesn’t get his lazy butt off in front of the computer). And now I am being devoured alive by guilt.

Big. Ugly. Guilt!

All thanks to my inability to get my attention off the computer and my memory slip-ups. Curse my internet addiction and temporary memory loss! I shake my fist at you!

And so for punishment I am going to stay at least 1 meter radius away from computers for at least forty-eight hours. In short, two days.

Two whole days without computer means no internet surfing, no e-mail checking, no solitaire rounds, no fanfictions, no blogs, no YouTube videos, no Friendster, no DBSK/ Super Junior/ the rest of the K-Pop industry stalking, no music, no smiles, no giggles, no drooling on the keyboard, no evil glares from my brothers for laughing randomly at the screen, no nothing.

Now excuse me while I curl up in a dark corner and wallow in self-pity till my internet-probation is over. I will be back online in two days, IF I’m still alive.

Random Note: Camp Rock is premiering tomorrow! My brother and I am excited, which rarely happens because we barely have anything in common (we’re like mangoes and coke, we don’t go together or disaster happens ) We practically had all the songs memorized, what with the massive advertising. The sneak peeks look promising, so I’m gonna make sure I don’t miss it.

Another Random Note: I can’t find Mr. Pink anywhere. I wonder where it went?