Due to my recent
very pissed-off angry rant last post that I doubt anybody have read because I don’t want anybody to know how I’ve discovered my inner witchiness (yeah, I mean exactly what you’re thinking), I’d like to share something from my journal last year, just to balance out the negativeness of my thoughts lately:
It’s hard to simply not care. It’s been ingrained deep, and it’s hard to just throw away and never look back. I often wonder how some people can do that– to just “jump ship” and act as if they never cared what happens next. How can one just throw away or stop liking? How can they erase their feelings? Or were they never there or too little to begin with? Something you’ve invested time with, something you’ve been awed and touched by, something that had given you happiness and now grief… how can you throw that away?
You can’t just say “Screw it all, I’ve had enough.” I tried, and I found it hard to even verbalize it. It’s probably my fault for chosing to like people who I have no form of contact with. One of the downsides (and probably the worst) is that when something bad happens, you feel helpless. If you had some contact, even in passing, you can still do something even if the situation is out of control. Some words of encouragement, maybe, or a smile to make someone’s day a bit brighter. If you have no contact, no matter what you do, no matter how many messages you try to send or how many projects you work on, you can never be sure if your voice was heard.
No matter. I’ll just take a deep breath and watch what happens, because it’s the only one thing I can do. And when the situation turns for the worse, I’ll just rant and rave and rage or bawl my eyes out. If the situation improves, I’ll jump around like a bunny on crack. Until something happens, I’ll watch with as much detachment as I can. I doubt I could, but I have a life outside of all this and I have to try. Otherwise, I’ll just flop around uselessly and fail all my tests and get kicked out of my program of study and that’s not something I want to happen. College is not fun.
In conclusion– I’ll watch.
And that’s what exactly what I’m going to do now.
SmileyBunny: You were very scary last post. I never knew you had that side. And here I thought I was the cruel one.
Meriken: … That was my… you-know-what side. Scared me, too. Who knew?
SmileyBunny: … So… Am I going to be replaced?
Meriken: What? You? Replaced? By that witch? No way.
SmileyBunny: Good. She was too vulgar for my taste, anyway.
Meriken: Dang right, she is. Hey, this is the first time we’re actually agreeing.
SmileyBunny: Don’t get used to it.