I once saw a man. I didn’t think he was anything remarkable, the first time I saw him. His skin was too pale, his hair was too black, his face was too girly and he looked so stiff and ice cold that I dismissed him in favor of his taller, cuter, more smiley friend.
But then I heard him sing… Husky smooth voice grabbing my attention. And I found myself paying him more attention than the others.
And then I heard him talk. His blunt remarks and silly personality, warm and inviting despite his cold looks…
Slowly, I started to see his statuesque beauty. His blank, mysterious face drawing me in, almost otherwordly in his prettiness. I found myself nursing a little crush, and for a period of time watched him and him only.
Over time, that little crush didn’t fade away, but it was overwhelmed as I developed similar little crushes to the four people surrounding him. Watching them became my haven, became the highlight of my days. The five of them became the inspiration of my writing, my art, my thoughts… Still, no matter how much I like them all, no matter how much I insist that I have no favorite, I know deep inside as I look at pictures of him smiling so warmly, I still like him a little more.
And even now that trouble struck them, even when I struggle with balancing my attention towards the five people who have become a part of my life, I still find myself looking at him a little more.
My watching him wasn’t always pleasant. There were times when I wondered why I liked him so much. When now I am of the opinion that his friend has an even more hypnotizing voice, that his other friend has the sharpest wit I’ve ever seen, that his other friend has the biggest heart I’ve ever seen, and his other friend has a more charming smile and easy grace. I didn’t want to suddenly know that I only like his beautiful face. It would be an insult to him and to me as well.
I couldn’t forget the time when I thought it was his cold looks I was in love with…. Face carved out of an ice sculpture, ethereal and mesmerizing. And then the feeling of crushing shame when I finally notice how breathtakingly beautiful his smile was. Warm and full of life and passion and dreams…
However, throughout the times I spent liking him, there was always a little voice at the back of my mind, grounding me to my thoughts. Grounding me to reality, also. My feelings I’ve always acknowledged as nothing more than that of a dedicated watcher.
For the first time I felt that I was truly, definitely inlove with this man.
For the first time I found myself wishing it was me he was looking at. Found myself wishing it was me he was smiling at. Found myself wishing it was me he was laughing with, and me he was crying with.
Beautiful eyes totally focused, a perfect comnination of bliss and pain etched on his face… almost pained, as if saying “I love you… so much that it hurts to know this moment won’t last forever…”
And as he cries, and I feel the pain, and I wonder how he could evoke this jumbled emotions from me… Pride, love, appreciation…
He’s so beautiful.
He’s the man I want to marry. And it hurts a little that even in my wildest dreams, he is a star. Unattainable. Unreachable.
. . .
. . . . .
. . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . Yes, I’m melodramatic. We’ve already establised that a looooong time ago. Nyah.
Ahem, back to reality… This PV leaves me in a starry-eyed trance. My eyes were stuck on Jaejoong throughout the entire time. His acting has improved leaps and bounds, and I couldn’t be any more proud of being a fan of his. I mean, the way he delivered the emotions — the happiness, the adoration, the love, and then suddenly the sheer desperation, the anger, the sorrow… It just leaves me breathless in awe. Especially that beach scene when he was on a crying rampage… Man, I teared up a little.
And did I mention how beautiful he was? Is? Has always been?
And I feel for the girl… I can only assume that she wasn’t told of his illness, but she knows anyway. And she just let him believe she didn’t know, maybe on an attempt to not burden him farther for the remaining days they spend together.
Jaejoong’s awesomeness aside, this PV is for the lack of words… a lot tad overused, but tugs at your heart strings just the same. (Personally, for me, it was Jaejoong’s performance that tugged on my heart strings, but what do I know, I’m just a biased writer who fangirls one of the most gorgeous men on Earth). And I’m glad with how simple it looked like… It’s not overly dramatic. The scenes weren’t crammed. And the fact that you don’t hear Jaejoong’s words when he was shouting created this sort of mysterious effect (can’t find the right words).
The song was… Well, I thought it was lovely. Ayumi Hamasaki is after all the Queen of J-Pop. I was too focused (gasp! shock!) with staring at Jaejoong to listen intently.
This made my day, which has been pretty crappy since this morning.